It's kind of funny how smart kids are. You can try and sneak around behind their back, or be nonchalant about something, but they can read grown-ups like a book. Sitting in the car yesterday with B and kiddo on the way to get snow cones, kiddo began singing "Momma's got a boyfriend, momma's got a boyfriend." My face flushed red and I laughed nervously...because truly, honestly...I'm not sure if I do or not.
It's been a while since I've actually successfully dated. It's something that I've actually been avoiding like the plague since kiddo was born, because a lot of guys my age are just not mature enough to handle dating a girl with a child. They expect you to be able to drop whatever you're doing and go out for shots on a Wednesday night, or shoot, to be able to go out at all upon short notice. Having a child means finding childcare, finding decent clothes that haven't been ruined by said child, and finding the energy to be perky and cute and talk about something other than iCarly for a few hours. It was just something that I wasn't prepared to tackle...until B came along.
So, needless to say, I don't really understand all the nuances of dating just yet. It's supposed to be like riding a bike, right? Once you do it, you never just "lose" how. Or, at least that's what I thought. But I was horribly wrong. Every date has been spectacular. From the first dinner date where we sat and talked long after our waitress' shift had end and they'd locked the restaurant doors, to taking kiddo out (after several dates, just he and I...I am tough on who I let around the kiddo, after all) to the park, and earning her seal of approval after a trip to the custard shop.
But here we are...two-ish months after that first date, and while we've spent evenings cuddled up on the couch playing games on his iPad, laid on the floor reading stupid books...we don't have a "title." I guess it's not something I should be worried about, but I'd love to be able to call him something other than just "the guy I've been dating." I want him to be my boyfriend. I want to hold his hand and tell him stupid jokes that make him snort. I want him to make me try more awful food (by the way, Thai is *not* a favorite.) I know we can do all that WITHOUT the title, but something about making it "official" is something I long for so badly. I want kiddo's song to be right, and I want to skip through the house like a dork and sing it myself at the top of my lungs.
I'll just wait it out, for now, though. As much as I'd love those words of semi-commitment from him, I can be content with just being "the girl and guy who have been dating."
But if I'm this bad now...I'm scared for my daughter when she comes to me for dating advice years down the road.
Maybe I'll just lock her in the room 'til she's forty.